A soldier’s boots under the tree, but no son to wear them

By: La’Wanda McAllister 

Festive homes all over Guyana are glimmering with Christmas lights and the melody of carols float in the warm December air. But for Bernadette Bovell-Khan, this holiday season is cloaked in darkness and sorrow. A year ago, she lost her beloved son, Warrant Officer Class II Jason Khan, in a tragic helicopter crash on December 6, 2023. While the rest of the nation prepares to celebrate, Bernadette and the rest of Jason’s family grapple with the haunting absence of a son, brother, husband, and father.

Jason Khan, affectionately remembered as the “Guyanese Rambo”, served his country with unyielding dedication and pride. A paratrooper, commando, and platoon commander in the Guyana Defence Force (GDF), Jason was renowned for his bravery. President Dr Mohamed Irfaan Ali called him “the best of the best,” a sentiment echoed by those who served alongside him. For Jason, service was not just a job – it was a calling.

Reflecting on her son’s early life, Bernadette shared, “Jason was a daring child. Even as a little boy, he had an adventurous spirit. He told me he wanted to serve his country and protect others. When he was just 17 years and a few months old, he came to me with a form to join the army. I didn’t want him to enlist as a regular soldier – he was so smart, I wanted him to finish school and enter as an officer. But Jason insisted, saying, ‘Mommy, it’s hard on you as a single parent, and I want to help. I want to serve.’ I cried, but I signed the form. It was his dream, and he was determined.”

Jason’s determination paid off. Over the years, he climbed the ranks, earning respect and admiration. “He took his job seriously,” Bernadette said. “He was always the first to volunteer for dangerous missions. He loved his country, and he loved protecting its people.” Yet, even with the demands of his career, Jason never let his role as a soldier overshadow his role in the family.

“Jason was a son every mother would be proud to have,” Bernadette said, her voice breaking. “Every morning, my phone would buzz with a message: ‘Good morning, Mommy. How are you?’ He always checked on me, no matter where he was. Losing that… losing him… it’s been unbearable.”

Bernadette said her days have been challenging since Jason’s death. “I’ve always been the bubbly one, the life of the party,” she said. “But now, there are days I struggle to even smile. I miss him so much. I wake up thinking of him, wishing I could hear his voice again.

”Despite the support of her four other children, the void Jason left feels insurmountable. His wife, children, and siblings miss him deeply, often sharing stories of his humour and protective nature. His wife and their four children are heartbroken. “Jason was a devoted father,” Bernadette said. “His kids adored him, and his wife loved him so much. He made their world brighter. Losing him has left a hole in their hearts.”

The soldier’s mother said even his father, Jerry Khan, also expressed the pain of the loss. “This year has been incredibly challenging for him. I spoke to him last night and he was expressing how hard it is to lose his son,” she said. “Jason’s absence is felt in every moment. It’s hard to imagine life without him.”

Jason was among the five GDF officers who tragically lost their lives in the Bell 412 helicopter crash while delivering supplies to troops.

The GDF Bell 412 helicopter crashed about nine miles southeast of “Blake Slater’s” airstrip, Ekereku Top, Cuyuni River resulting in the deaths of Khan,  Brigadier (Retired) Gary Beaton, Lieutenant Colonel Michael Shahoud, Lieutenant Colonel Sean Welcome, and Lieutenant Colonel Michael Charles.

It was reported that on the day in question, an Emergency Locator Transmitter (ELT) signal was received, but because of rough terrain and adverse weather, the search and rescue team was not able to reach the site in time.

Only two soldiers survived the crash – Corporal Dwayne Jackson and Lieutenant Andio Crawford.

According to Jason’s mother, the tragedy of her son’s death was compounded by the circumstances. Bernadette recalled the details she was told about the crash.

“They said Jason died on December 7th. He was signalling the helicopter with the other two survivors to make it back home to safety. But he didn’t survive it. That was who he was—always trying to help, even in his final moments. But something went wrong, and now he’s gone. It’s robbed me of my son, my joy, and so much of who I am.”

Remembering hearing of her son’s death, the fallen soldier’s mother described it as traumatising and recalled that it still plays in her mind every day.

Bernadette’s faith has been her anchor in these dark times. “As I tell them, it’s not about just knowing God – it’s about having a relationship with Him. Because of that relationship, I’ve been able to find some strength to keep going. Every day, I ask God to restore my joy, to bring back the sparkle in my eyes.”

The pain is shared by Jason’s wife, Diane, and their four children back in Guyana. “Jason adored Christmas,” Bernadette recalled. “He loved pepperpot and black cake. If I cooked pepperpot on the 20th, it would be gone by Christmas morning – Jason couldn’t get enough of it. He’d always insist the Christmas tree go up early, and he made every holiday special for his family.”

This year, the season feels empty. “For me, there is no Christmas,” Bernadette admitted. “I tried listening to carols, but I couldn’t. The memories of Jason’s laughter and joy hit me too hard.”

She recalled how, just days before the crash, Jason called her to remind her to take care of herself. “That was Jason,” she said, “always looking out for others, always showing love.”

The unanswered questions surrounding Jason’s death have added to the family’s grief. “Up to now, no one has told us what caused the helicopter to crash,” Bernadette said. “It hurts. I just want closure.”

If given the chance to speak to her son this Christmas, Bernadette said her message would be simple but profound.

“I’d tell him how proud I am of the man he became. I’d tell him I love him more than words can say. And I’d thank him for being such a wonderful son, father, husband, and sibling.  I dreamt of him recently. He came to me and said, ‘Mommy, don’t stay in the dark. It’s getting dark, and you need to come out into the light.’ That dream gives me strength. I know he wouldn’t want me to grieve forever.”

To other grieving mothers facing the holidays without their children, Bernadette offers words of encouragement.

“Lean on God,” she said. “God understands our pain. He sacrificed His own son for us. I remind myself that Jason lived a life of purpose. He served, he loved, and he made a difference. To every mother out there, hold on to the good memories, trust in God, and know that one day, we will see our children again.”

She shared how her faith has been a source of strength. “I remind myself that the Lord giveth and He taketh away. I believe Jason’s work on earth was done, and he is resting in a better place now. Still, as a mother, the pain is deep. But I draw strength from knowing that Jason touched so many lives.”

As Guyana mourns the loss of some of its finest soldiers, Jason’s family wants their story to remind us of the true meaning of the season – love, sacrifice, and resilience.

In the twinkling lights of Christmas, Bernadette said she sees glimpses of her son’s radiant spirit. “Jason was my light,” she said. “And though he’s gone, his light will never fade.”