Eyewitness: Thankful…for the Queen

The content originally appeared on: INews Guyana

Your Eyewitness put some more thought about Queen Elizabeth’s passing. Well, to be honest, he – a news junkie! – couldn’t really help it, since there wasn’t a news site he could visit and not be bombarded by titbits about her!! Which he really could’ve done without!! That she was the only person in the UK allowed to drive without a licence didn’t impress…half of the drivers in Guyana have that privilege!! Anyhow, after the inundation, he’s decided there actually ARE some things we in Guyana ought to be thankful about because of Elizabeth. Can we call her “full mouth” like that?

Take the Coronation Mug with Royal Coat of Arms that all schoolchildren in then British Guiana – and across the Empire?? – were given back in 1953. For most of them – in BG at least – it was the first ceramic piece of pottery they ever saw or held. And became a prized display piece in their homes for decades!! Gotta be thankful for that since it might’ve pushed some of those children to move up from enamel cups to porcelain!! And taking that thought to its conclusion, the poverty and inequality that Elizabeth’s Empire was built on – motivated all of us to aspire to “better” ourselves!!

Then there were the nice British books we all read…like Bobbsey Twins and Famous Five and such like. How else would we have known about scones and crumpets and suchlike that were so much better than our conkies!! We never tasted them, but they HAD to be better!! No one wrote books about adventurous kids eating conkies, did they?!! Books get written about IMPORTANT things!! And, of course, our tastes were expanded across the board to include tinned sardines and condensed milk – which were so much superior to the fresh fish and fresh milk those unwashed women vendors brought to our doors!!And let’s not talk about clothes! All we were used to were chintzy cotton fabrics that just wouldn’t hold a “seam”. Those colonial woollen suits with silk ties were a God-send that made us look “civilised” – like folks in the Queen’s circle. Your Eyewitness was grateful – as he espied in a retrospective pic he saw in the papers – that on her visit to Guyana, Elizabeth was able to make Cheddi Jagan drop his shirt-jac and don a spiffy white dinner jacket – with a bow-tie!! Priceless!!

Then there were her government’s policies that kept us from overeating and getting obese!! She thoughtfully ensured our parents’ earnings from working from day clean to sundown in the cane fields of Bookers couldn’t buy too much rich foods!!Kept us from getting spin-off diseases like heart attacks and diabetes!! God save the Queen!!

…for Elections Inquiry

Now that the CoI into the PNC’s rigging attempt has been constituted, your Eyewitness hopes they’ll get on with it and answer questions that’ve been troubling him since March 3, 2020!! And that’s a long time to be troubled!! The first one is this. Up to the evening of March 2, when the polls closed, all the PNC coalition leaders – Nagamootoo, Granger, Harmon and Ramjattan expressed their total satisfaction on the conduct of the elections.Under the new communications regime with cell phones and all that, they would’ve all received calls on what went on in the polling stations – from their party agents and even workers friendly to them. Surely, they would’ve reported discrepancies or unusual numbers of persons who had to be vetted before voting – because of mismatching between their bio-metric details and their physical details??So, what made Mingo make rectification for the “dead and emigrated voting” by March 3rd and 4th?

…for our donkeys

Your Eyewitness was amazed to read the following from AP: “Nigerian officials have seized thousands of donkey penises that were about to be exported to Hong Kong. Sacks of the donkey male genitals were seized at the international airport in Lagos.”What are donkey penises used for in Hong Kong??